Saturday, March 04, 2006

 

Mat 25:45 Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.

Today was a special day for me, a lifetime ago. Fortunately I'm kept so busy I can't think, can't dwell. Part of me is weak and frail, part of me is iron. I can't heal my wound, so I will help heal others. I will look into your aged eyes and give you hope, will speak of faith. I will speak of God's love, and how it is and how it will be. Your pain becomes my pain because I will help you carry. I don't know the pain your arthritic hands cause you, age has taken it's toll. But please, take my strength. I cannot be strong for myself, but I can be strong for you. I've not experienced your age, but we've got something in common. We both know the real pain is not the physical pain. I would take your pain away if I could, but I can't, I can't heal myself. But God can. This is what I know and you know and in the telling it is affirmed. I don't believe it as strong when I tell myself, but I know it is true as I say it to you. I remember the truth. I would be overwhelmed in my grief, in my loss. I can't even put it in words. But in helping you, in sharing your pain, my own heals also, for a little while. You need me to be strong, I will be strong, you will never know otherwise because you need me strong. It is only because I bleed too that I understand your bleeding. You said to me, " Pray to God that I won't kill myself, that He won't let me". How can I heal such pain? I can't - but I will pray. And He won't let you. Believe. I will. I came back and you were gone. "How can I help you?" I asked. "Visit me here", you said. I came back and you were gone. How can I find you, no one can say where you have gone? I hugged you, I held your hand. I looked you in the eye, strong and full of faith and assured you I would, that you could count on it. I came back and you were gone. Where will I visit you? Where will I find you? Flawed again, failed again. I can't find you. But God can. I can only be as strong as I have to be for you. But I can't heal myself. But God can. I can't put the broken life back together, but God can. I can't take away my own pain, but I can help you with yours. And I will. But please, please, don't trust in my strength, trust in God's. Don't make me be something I can't. Please please, I am not as strong as you see. Don't do that to me. But you need me to be, so I am. God is the iron in me. God is the only strong thing in me. Hear me when I tell you, God is strong - put your faith in God - I beg you don't put it in me. I can't help but fail you, like I've failed others so many times before, that counted on me, needed me to be strong. And I thought I was. And I wanted to be. And God you made me stronger than I ever could be. And I thought I was. And I was. It was too much God. For a moment, I felt the weight you had been carrying, and it broke my back Lord. And the iron cracked, and I had to be strong/silent/taking their pain upon my own and laughing in the wind. I had to be the rock.solid.hope.faith.unbreakable.unflappable. I bore the beatings. I would take your place, if I could. In the end, I failed. And I tried so very hard, God, I tried so very hard, God you know I tried so very hard. "How can I help you?" I ask again. "Look at me," I cried, "How can I help you?" I will fail you. But I will not stop trying. Ever. Because Jesus took my place on that cross. And I want to be like my master. And I owe Him more than my life. And I so badly want you to know, to believe. Because He did the same for you. I know that. Because He sent me here today to remind you. Perhaps I will fail you, as I’ve failed you in the past. But Jesus will not. I trust Him. I believe Him. Because I know what He did for me. I love Him. And I love you. Because you are made in His image.


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