Tuesday, May 29, 2007
To hurt so bad that you can't sleep. To have your heart crushed in a vise day and night. So many successes Lord, but one colossal failure, yet that one failure obsesses me. Burned so badly, afraid of being burnt. Yet you're asking me to go into the fire Lord. Cut so deeply, yet you're asking me to walk on razors. Give me strength, O' Lord, to just do rightly, with mercy and compassion. Give me strength O' Lord, to reach my hand into the pits of hell to pull her out. I asked for a heart that would love You and love others, and I believe you've answered that prayer. I never knew it would hurt so much. But..thank you. Now I ask that you give me the strength to follow what my heart knows to do. I am weak, Lord, weaker than I knew. But I know you are strong and I know you are guiding me. My heart cries out with the pain of others, some of it caused by me. Give me the strength to follow what my heart feels. My prayer, Father, help me to follow you at any cost, help me not to give up on anyone, no matter how badly they wound me. When they cut me, I run, teach me O' Lord, to turn back and reach out again, and again, and again. I hurt Lord, but I know, it's nothing compared to the nails in your hands, so please Lord, I am so very weak, help me. The churches have left me down, but I know they cannot be as apathetic or as misled as they seem. Father, help me, help us, not let the lost down. Put in me a spirit that will keep trying, even to the death. Especially for the one that I cannot reach. But for now, I'm shocked at my own weaknesses, my own fear, yet I cry out against it to you Lord. I hate all this hatred that I see Lord, the selfishness, the apathy - we cry for your return Lord. Lord, chastize me, whip me, whatever you must do - but please, please, use me. Let me not grow weary, nor afraid, but determined and faithful. You have answered my prayer once, when I knew not what I asked. Please answer this one. If I cannot help her Lord, then please, change me, or send someone that can. Have mercy.